Day +8 thru +17
It’s been a minute since I’ve posted. It was pretty wild. One minute I’m playing video games and thinking it’s going to be alright and then the next I’m laid up in bed for days on end. I wish I had a better recollection of the days that passed but days 9 thru 17 have been a pretty rough blur. I’m not sure exactly when I started to feel bad and can’t really say for certain that I ever felt “bad”, hell I’ve not right in months. I just know there were some days were all I wanted to do was sleep. I can’t say that I felt bad on those days. It was just this unending need to sleep. I don’t know what days those were out of the week. I started to feel better and was finally back to spending more time out of bed than in it.
My ANC numbers have finally started to come up along with all my other numbers. The ANC is the big one though that they look at to determine if I’m well enough to go home. While it’s not the only one I care about, at this exact moment it’s the only one I care about. I want to go home like a fish wants water. Not only do I want to go home. I need to go home. There’s a certain point at which being in the hospital starts to be worse for my well being than good. It’s starting to reach critical mass. I desperate be back to my normal scenery and surroundings. I want to walk the neighborhood. I want to cuddle and watch TV with my girls. Even though I have zero appetite, I want food that isn’t hospital food. All these things and more drive my desire to get better, get out of here, and get home.
While secondary at the moment, my WBC is going up along with my ANC. My hemoglobin is holding steady and my platelets continue to rise. I wish with all this that I could say that I feel better. I don’t. It’s a day by day thing. It’s even a moment to moment thing. I can feel ok one minute and then back to feeling pretty rough the next. It’ll be quite some time that I’ll say I feel good. I still remember what feeling good felt like and this ain’t it. I can’t say that I’ve ever felt so bad that I haven’t done some type of exercise in 10-14 days. Yeah, it’s probably coming up on 2 weeks since I’ve felt like doing even a bodyweight squat. That’s how bad overall I’ve felt.
To top it off, my goatee finally fell out. I had to shave what was left. I haven’t been perfectly clean shaven in probably a good 20 years. While I do wish that it hadn’t had to happen, I’m not terribly sore that it did. I know it’ll be a minute before I get it back and I’ll regrow it when I can. Just one more thing that ended up having to go.