Two days ago marked the halfway point to Day +100. At Day +100 they’ll do another bone marrow biopsy to determine how well things are progressing. While I’ve had a few tests done in the meantime and things look promising, nothing is definitive yet. I’ve been disappointed often enough and have seen things go sideways enough times to know that things do not always go according to plan.
During my stay in the hospital I met another bone marrow transplant patient. We’ve talked on and off since our time in the hospital together. He’s doing well and recovering but we still talk about the anxiety that we have about both getting readmitted and if our treatments didn’t work. Similarly to how one might feel if they had just applied for a new job or promotion and were waiting to hear back. Every office visit brings with it a sense of dread that things might not be going according to plan. I’ve sat in that office on several occasions while getting bad news. Thankfully it wasn’t that office where I initially heard the news or I think it would be even worse.
I will say that each day I feel a bit better. I’m able to do more and more each day. Whether it’s to walk a bit further or do more chores around the house. I’m sleeping less and feeling less fatigue. My hemoglobin is finally back up to a normal range (just barely) so I’m not out of breath as quickly nor as easily. While I don’t have any cravings for certain foods, I am getting more and more of an appetite back. Certain foods still don’t taste great but they’re more tolerable now than they were. My sense of smell is still really weird. There’s some things that I just can’t tolerate and my sense of smell is certainly stronger than it used to be.
Each day I’m grateful to be home. After spending 76 days in the hospital this year (not counting my ER visits), every day spent at home is a good day. Every day I can get up and make the bed is a good day. I’m one day closer to feeling good. One day closer to really having put this behind me. One day at a time.